Ponce a Wanna Time..
.. there was a woman in the bathtub and no one knew who she was. Mony came home after school and thought she was alone. She'd breezed through the living room into the dining room with mom not in sight. She dropped her books and slammed body first into the bathroom door when the doorknob didn't budge. She blinked. Surprised at the locked door, she knocked. Instead of the familiar voice she expected, came a low bellow she did not recognize, "Who's there?!"
Who's there!? Mony glanced around quickly, stepped back from the door, and shot a quick retort, "You mean who's THERE?!"
Once again the mysterious low voice bellowed, louder this time, "Who's there?!?!?" At 14 one does not stick around long to take chances so Mony picked up a hammer from the table (there were always such things as hammers on tables there) and beat a hasty retreat to the neighbor's next door.
"Helen!! Helen are you home?? Open up!!" Mony's shriek sent 80 year old Helen rushing for the door. As Mony tumbled in waving her hammer, she quickly told the story of the stranger in her house, in her bathroom no less! Helen grabbed Mony by one hand, a high-heeled shoe by the other and started out the door.
"Where are we going?"
"To your house, to catch a culprit!", Helen raised the red shoe.
Back in the dining room Helen pounded on the bathroom door, holding the shoe aloft, "Open up!" With an ear cocked, Mony looked at Helen who looked back. Silence. "I said open up!" Silence.
"Try the door", Mony whispered.
Helen grabbed the knob but it refused to twist. Still locked. Fueled by the presence of an 80 year old protectoress Mony banged on the door this time, yelling at the top of her lungs, "Who's in thereeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!"
With palms floating lazily on the surface of the warm water, the woman reclined back in the tub, eyes closed, enjoying the moment. She sat up as the sound of thudding moved the waters more than her eardrums. Chuckling to herself at the banging and the hollering just outside the door, she lay back into the water, again letting it cover her ears, "Go away!"
Helen's mouth set a grim line, "We have to call the police".
While Mony paced in Helen's apartment, the woman gave the information and address to 911. A short time later a squad car pulled up in front of Fire Chief Harv's home. Mony and Helen, armed with a hammer and a shoe, met the nice patrolmen as they stepped from the car.
"Ma'am? Open the door", the policeman rapped on the bathroom door sharply.
Ears still submerged, the woman heard a voice. Concluding it was Mony's, she suppressed a laugh, and bellowed, "Go away, I'm taking a bath". A BATH? The cop blinked and ran a hand over his face. Oh, life in a small town. "Radio the station, Joe, I think we've got Iris Hammond in there. She's off her meds again and has been breaking into houses lately."
As Joe sat in the patrol car and explained the situation going on in Harv's, the Fire Chief and Grand Pooba of everything in town, bathroom, Mony and Helen exchanged baffled glances. Officer Bill looked around outside for the bathroom window located 12 feet in the air. He scouted up a ladder leaning against the house (there were always such things as ladders leaning against the house there) and climbed it high enough to rap on the glass.
"Ma'am? IRIS? OPEN THE BATHROOM DOOR."
Depsite the submersion, this time the woman heard the voice clearly. And it wasn't Monys. As she sat bolt upright in the tub, the water splashing about her, she began to realize her position. Grabbing for the shower curtain to draw across her, she stared at the silouette of the man on the other side of the frosted bathroom window.
"Mony, what's going on out there??" Mony's mouth dropped as she stepped to the door towards the voice that was no longer a full octave below it's usual range.
"Mom?"
Well to make a longer story shorter, it was mom. My mom. Playing a practical joke that backfired on her. Yes, my mom that chased that firecracker throwing kid through the parking lot several posts below. It took my dad, being the Fire Chief and Grand Pooba of everything in town, several months to live that particular incident down. (There were others, but this one is the tale of the moment). Don't forget his fire chasing buddies with a scanner, all of them to be exact, heard the tale.
"I hear your wife likes taking a bath, Harv."
"I hear Iris Hammond moved into your bathroom, Harv."
He was razzed for a long while. And we 5 girls still live to tell the story of the woman in the bathtub and no one knew who she was.
(The names of the living have been changed to protect the guilty) :P
Who's there!? Mony glanced around quickly, stepped back from the door, and shot a quick retort, "You mean who's THERE?!"
Once again the mysterious low voice bellowed, louder this time, "Who's there?!?!?" At 14 one does not stick around long to take chances so Mony picked up a hammer from the table (there were always such things as hammers on tables there) and beat a hasty retreat to the neighbor's next door.
"Helen!! Helen are you home?? Open up!!" Mony's shriek sent 80 year old Helen rushing for the door. As Mony tumbled in waving her hammer, she quickly told the story of the stranger in her house, in her bathroom no less! Helen grabbed Mony by one hand, a high-heeled shoe by the other and started out the door.
"Where are we going?"
"To your house, to catch a culprit!", Helen raised the red shoe.
Back in the dining room Helen pounded on the bathroom door, holding the shoe aloft, "Open up!" With an ear cocked, Mony looked at Helen who looked back. Silence. "I said open up!" Silence.
"Try the door", Mony whispered.
Helen grabbed the knob but it refused to twist. Still locked. Fueled by the presence of an 80 year old protectoress Mony banged on the door this time, yelling at the top of her lungs, "Who's in thereeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!"
With palms floating lazily on the surface of the warm water, the woman reclined back in the tub, eyes closed, enjoying the moment. She sat up as the sound of thudding moved the waters more than her eardrums. Chuckling to herself at the banging and the hollering just outside the door, she lay back into the water, again letting it cover her ears, "Go away!"
Helen's mouth set a grim line, "We have to call the police".
While Mony paced in Helen's apartment, the woman gave the information and address to 911. A short time later a squad car pulled up in front of Fire Chief Harv's home. Mony and Helen, armed with a hammer and a shoe, met the nice patrolmen as they stepped from the car.
"Ma'am? Open the door", the policeman rapped on the bathroom door sharply.
Ears still submerged, the woman heard a voice. Concluding it was Mony's, she suppressed a laugh, and bellowed, "Go away, I'm taking a bath". A BATH? The cop blinked and ran a hand over his face. Oh, life in a small town. "Radio the station, Joe, I think we've got Iris Hammond in there. She's off her meds again and has been breaking into houses lately."
As Joe sat in the patrol car and explained the situation going on in Harv's, the Fire Chief and Grand Pooba of everything in town, bathroom, Mony and Helen exchanged baffled glances. Officer Bill looked around outside for the bathroom window located 12 feet in the air. He scouted up a ladder leaning against the house (there were always such things as ladders leaning against the house there) and climbed it high enough to rap on the glass.
"Ma'am? IRIS? OPEN THE BATHROOM DOOR."
Depsite the submersion, this time the woman heard the voice clearly. And it wasn't Monys. As she sat bolt upright in the tub, the water splashing about her, she began to realize her position. Grabbing for the shower curtain to draw across her, she stared at the silouette of the man on the other side of the frosted bathroom window.
"Mony, what's going on out there??" Mony's mouth dropped as she stepped to the door towards the voice that was no longer a full octave below it's usual range.
"Mom?"
Well to make a longer story shorter, it was mom. My mom. Playing a practical joke that backfired on her. Yes, my mom that chased that firecracker throwing kid through the parking lot several posts below. It took my dad, being the Fire Chief and Grand Pooba of everything in town, several months to live that particular incident down. (There were others, but this one is the tale of the moment). Don't forget his fire chasing buddies with a scanner, all of them to be exact, heard the tale.
"I hear your wife likes taking a bath, Harv."
"I hear Iris Hammond moved into your bathroom, Harv."
He was razzed for a long while. And we 5 girls still live to tell the story of the woman in the bathtub and no one knew who she was.
(The names of the living have been changed to protect the guilty) :P
posted by BlackVelvetLace at 6:54 PM
9 Comments:
Well thats a story and a half, Thankgod it was your mum and not the town psycho..even though your dad was embarrassed it was funny..
I love your mums sense of humour..hehe..
shes a riot gyps.. sos my dad.. altho there were several *incidents* we 7 girls (even the dog was a girl) did that embarassed him... ill tell of another shortly..
actually our lil town had several folks with compromised minds.. but that particular one once went into a drugstore (where the love of my life who barely noticed me worked) and took a can of silver spray paint from a shelf.. she them promtply began spraying her head silver until the police arrived to stop her..
heh
She maybe thought she was an alien lol.
Theres some right nutters in this town too, this mad guy sets his hair on fire when it gets too long and videos it!..
ho boy.. saddest thing is that if he did this for utbue.. hed be famous..
err.. utube even...
It was back in the early ninetys but, your right, i'm sure it would have been a hit on youtube even..lol..and your mums would have been a hit on one of those TV programmes that set people up!..
dont forget my dad too.. last time i saw them both (yesterday) they were *sailing* on an 8x12 pontoon boat dad assembled from a kit he just bought off the internet (hes 80 dont forget).. this thing had flimsy aluminum side rails that a 5 year old could bend directly off.. in the back by the motor is a large gap where there is no rail.. dad was sitting directly by it with one hand on the stick of the electric motor steering.. as the legs of his NONSECURED PLASTIC CHAIR he got off the back porch were bending under his weight and the wakes from other speedboats.. his lifejacket didnt close over his chest.. perhaps he needs to diet a bit..
mom was sitting on the other wavering plastic chair.. nothing was bolted down.. including the car battery the motor uses for power.. it was their *maiden voyage* around the lake.. ive no clue how they survived it.. or me my childhood..
i could write a book..
~Lace~
You've been tagged!
Tagged? Oi!
~Lace~
Post a Comment
<< Home