Friday, April 06, 2007

What's So Good...

....about Good Friday? Especially considering it started with a brutal flogging and ended in the crucifixion death of a man who had spent his public life giving sight to the blind, taking pity on the poor, and raising the dead. So if those events transpired, and I now believe they did, why do we call the day of His death Good Friday? What *is* so good about it? The fact that He was finally dead? What had he done? He'd never sinned against anyone, never hurt a living soul, never lied, never cheated, never committed a single crime. So.. what did they kill Him for? The answer my friend lies buried in a book that most of us never study in any depth. A book we disparage without ever having opened it's cover. And I was no different.

I was born and raised a churched Roman Catholic. I blew out of the Church in 1999; I was 44 years old and furious. Truth be told, for all the rosaries, novenas, masses, and parochial academia I'd attended, I was never much of a believer to begin with. As many times as I'd heard it said that *Jesus died for my sins* I'd no clue who that man was or what He had done for me. I didn't believe He had actually existed really, but was rather a fable. A nice moral tale to keep those of us in the pews in controlled line. I didn't know if there was a heaven or hell, but sure hoped that in the event there was either, my good deeds might outweigh my bad, so that I would ultimately end up strumming a harp on a cloud somewhere. Oh joy, oh rapture, oh brother.

Then something happened to me in 1999. Perhaps it was the immanent coming of Y2K. The end of an age. The end of the world? Perhaps it was just my time to be quickened. In any event, I blew out of the Church and within 6 months began to roil about in guilt. *What if there is a God.. what if there is a hell.. what if I didn't make 'purgatory'.. what if I roasted in eternal flames forever.. what if.. what if*.. it tortured me. I couldn't go back to religion, with it's rules and hypocrisy, that made no sense. But I could find nowhere forward to go. That's when I looked at all of my choices (other philosophies/religions, atheism/satanism). I chose from among them (well I'd never actually considered satanism as a choice but hey.. it's out there.. with a surprising message I'd never known about) to start studying scripture and found out something I had missed all those years I had sat around with my moral Catholic i's dotted and t's crossed. It wasn't about *being good enough to make it into the angels in the clouds club*. If heaven truly is a place of perfection where there are no tears, I came to see that even if it was my daily transgressions would inevitably nix that possibility anyway. I wreak havoc; I cause tears, even when I don't mean to. So then, this was about something far more pertinent than *right and wrong/good and bad* to Him.. no.. He wanted more than compliance from me. He wanted all of me. He wanted my heart.

The first time I read Ephesians 2:8-10 I reacted like everyone I've ever shared it with. Salvation is a matter of faith and not works. WHAT? If I just *believe* I get to go to heaven, well what if I *believe* and steal a car, do I get to go there then?? What if I commit a murder, do I still get to go there then? And what about all the *good people* that didn't *believe* (my own present company I included), how could they not go to heaven? What about the pygmies in the deepest forest of Africa. WHAT.. ABOUT.. THE HINDUS!?!?!

What I didn't realize at the time was that I was looking at this through human eyes. Not God's eyes. I was equating human goodness with godly holiness, I didn't know He doesn't. I was falling flat when it came to object constancy, I didn't know He wasn't. Humans let go when others hurt them deeply enough. God waits in the wings no matter what. So all the while I was looking at Him through the child-like concept of religious checks and balances, He was looking at me through the eyes of a father. My father. I expected earned reward and due punishment for all of my behavior, and all the while He was loving me. Me. No matter what. This before I gave Him the time of day. What had I done to deserve that? Truthfully nothing. He just loved me for no other reason than simply because I was the me He had created. So how did I get to be with Him? I didn't. He leaned down and made His way to me. Which brings us back to Good Friday.

As Roman soldiers drove spikes through Christ's wrists to fasten Him to the cross, He pleaded with His father: Luke 23:33 When they came to the place called the Skull, there they crucified him, along with the criminals—one on his right, the other on his left. 34Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." Wait. He is praying for the enemy? The guys who wielded the hammers that pounded the nails through His flesh into the hard, dry wood of a cross? What kind of grace is this? What kind of love? And why were they nailing Him to a cross anyway? What was the significance of His actions that entire passover night?

(Post under construction)

11 Comments:

Blogger Metalchick said...

Hi Lace,
That is a very good post! I have also thought of these things too!

I was raised a Lutheran my whole life. My family still goes to that church. I'm starting to go again, but I wasn't for a while because I don't like how conservative that church is. It was worse during the presidential elections.

I remember when I've pondered a few questions such as, "I wonder what there was before God created the world?" I actually asked my friend in the youth group, but she responded with "Are you questioning God?" It was just a fasinating question I've thought of, I'm not questioning whether God created the world or not.

I could go on, but I will stop right here.

I hope you had a good easter.

Take care.

1:02 AM  
Blogger gypsy noir said...

You write with such passion lace..and i admire your faith..i'm lost when it comes to these questions,,as i have so many of my own..
where is god when it hurts?...
why do people and animals have to suffer?..
when will it end?..
i know alot of suffering is caused by humankind..but where is the protection from such a high force
when it matters most?...
children murdered..people starving..etc..
many times we hear the cry "please god help me"..but no one came..why?..
what kind of father was god to sacrifice his own son in such a cruel way..it didn't change the world..
sometimes the bible gives false hope..
ask and ye shall be given..not always..
i hold you in the highest respect lace, you are a lovely person..
I throw out these questions at the whole thing as many do, not you lace, I dont question your belief it's just because i'm confused by it all..
maybe i just don't get it..

4:32 PM  
Blogger BlackVelvetLace said...

Metalchick,

I can appreciate your frustration with your friend. Seems like she took your question as a lack of faith or a challenge. To me, it looks like neither, it was just a question. I've got some of my own, some that look like Gypsy's actually.

Hppe your Easter was great.

oxoxox
~Lace~

7:01 PM  
Blogger BlackVelvetLace said...

gyps.. im falling down on the job here.. i didnt even get to finish my post when other things just crashed into my life..

your pain has always felt so real to me.. maybe because i recognize some of my own past pain in it.. and in that past.. when i felt like i was reaching into empty space in the middle of midnight.. i wondered where He was too.. often..

im not ignoring your tough questions tho.. what i should do is finish the post and come and respond to you.. please be patient with me.. if its any comfort in the meantime.. i still question some of the things you do.. i can say im dont feel so confused by them anymore..

oxox
~Lace~

7:10 PM  
Blogger flippnsweet said...

Hey Lace!

Great post. Easter feels a lot more like New Year's to me than January 1st does. Never has there been a bigger example of a new beginning. Sin is defeated and we are adopted-- given access to a power that is stonger than all the enemy's lies.

Hallelujah!

10:45 AM  
Blogger Gary said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

8:23 PM  
Blogger Tink said...

Hiya Lace,
Love this post. So true ... your passion and love is so evident. I had every single question you wrote about, too. Left the Cath. church, stumbled around, got involved with a man who was a witch, stumbled worse, then found my way back simply to God. And the Bible. One of the best questions I ever heard someone ask back to a child who questioned *why* it seems that God sometimes punishes someone, was this: "Even if your Dad punishes you, does he still love you?" The child said "Oh yes! He helps me learn and go time out when I can't do it myself." hm. I've read "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" by Kushner and that was good, too. But nothing made me think more than that simple question to a child. Yes, your Dad sometimes has to punish you (give consequences) to help you, and it's because he loves you."

It also helps me to look at when "bad" things happen, to try to follow the trail back to human causes, rather than looking at everything "bad" as a God given. Does Satan cause doubt? No doubt! ;o)

This is a quick/simplistic response to what you've written. But it was OH SO GOOD! Thank you!

xo Tink

11:39 AM  
Blogger BlackVelvetLace said...

Tink! Hi and thanx for stopping by! We sure can take a winding path when we're wandering can't we? I know I did. I still have to finish this post. I don't know what my procrastination is at this point. Prolly too wandering around Rachels I guess :P

~Lace~

2:41 PM  
Blogger BlackVelvetLace said...

Sweet!!!! So good to see you!!! You know, I used to hate Easter. I have a hard time adjusting to the warmer weather in Spring and fainted in church. I had no clue what was so great about the holiday, after all Christmas was sooo much fun in comparison. Little did *I* realize...

~Lace~

2:43 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Beautiful post...I got here through Sully's blog. I know how you feel when it comes to Him (not sully!) anyway, I admire your honesty and passion.
Peace,
Lionel

12:27 PM  
Blogger BlackVelvetLace said...

Stradasphere,

Thank you so much for stopping and commenting about Him (not Sully LOL). I am ashamed to say, that I still have never finished this post, or answered the questions that were put to me about my faith. I don't know what has been detaining me, I do need to respond to Gypsy.

~Lace~

12:01 PM  

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