The Bat

It is time to finally tell the story of the bat.

Ponce a wanna time, when I was about 14, I spent summers living at the lake. My friend Jeryl who lived down the road (there were no streets, just dirt roads at the lake) asked me to stay over for a pajama party. Since there were only two of us girls on the lake that summer, the party was rather small. Just her and me. After doing all the regular things girls do at a pajama party we actually fell asleep. This was my fatal mistake.

Sometime around 4 am I was awakened by a slight flick on the top of my blanket. I sat up in the pitch dark, wondering what it could have been. Jeryl was sound asleep in the bed nearby, so I laid back down. *Flick*, there it was again, I sat up, but in the attic room I could see nothing. By the third time I felt it, I was fully awake. It was only then that I heard the unmistakeable, sickening sound that only a bat on the wing can make.

Immediately I froze. Thoughts ran through and out of my head as sheer fright had overtaken me. I could not move; the room went completely silent other than Jeryl's breathing. Ten minutes passed like ten year. Foraging through my mind for everything I knew about bats, I came up with two facts. They carry rabies. They can crawl into the thinnest of cracks. I began to realize that the silence meant the bat had landed SOMEWHERE IN THE ROOM. Imagining the vampire had made it's way under the covers with me, I could stand it no more. Finally I sat up in the bed and let out a piercing scream which echoed off the other side of the lake. I swear. One split second later, Jeryl consequently sat up and began screaming herself. One split second after that her uncle, who owned the cottage, ran into the room screaming and threw on the light. Unbeknowst to me HE HAD A GLASS EYE. THAT HE HAD REMOVED GOING TO BED.

With everyone screaming in sheer terror now, the bat long forgotten, I lept from the bed and ran off into the night, pj's and all. You have to realize that after dark I am a complete coward, to this very day. But I ran the 1/2 mile home barefoot, over sticks and stones, like a thief in the moonless night. And I never went back there again.

And that is the story of THE BAT.

Ponce A Wanna Time..

Legend has it (well my mother is a Legend now) that's the way I started every story when I was young. *Once Upon a Time* eluded me for some reason ::shrugs:: anyway, two days ago I received a frantic phone call from my mom. She was on her cell phone (yes and she's got internet access at 74 too- my parents crack me up) frantically explaining that she was at the Emergency Room and could not get in touch with my sister who is a physicians assistant. Thanks mom. Whataboutme? Turns out I am the one with audiological training and so she got the rite kid after all. Anyway, she went on to tell me the story of her encounter with a firecracker, the teen who threw it, and a bank full of employees who flocked to the window and cheered as they watched her run him down and hold him captive until the police arrived.......

It all started innocently enough. My parents were sitting at the drive up at the bank. The day being as it was, my mother sat with her window rolled down on her passengers side. It wasn't but a minute before she found herself blinking in disbelief as a kid, walking through the parking lot, threw a lit firecracker which went her way. It entered the car and exploded at her right ear. As the kid began to run, picking bits and pieces of firecracker from her hair, mom threw open her car door and chased him down like the dog he is. (I've no idea if the kid's a dog, I just always wanted to say that). My father couldn't get out as he had pulled too close to the bank, nor could he pull the car ahead, because when she exited, mom left her door wide open, blocking any ability to pull through the stall. (Not like dad could have done much more than limp towards them anyway. We're looking into new knees for him). Incapicitated as he was, dad stated yelling to the teller, "CALL 911.. CALL 911!" She consequently rushed for the manager as a janitor came running from across the street to close mom's car door. The Legend has yet to tell what benefit the latter was to the situation. From what I gather, once free, my father still kept his distance.

Across the parking lot my mother had caught the culprit and now had him in a viselike grip by the front of his shirt. He screamed, she screamed, insults were traded. Having cornered him mom released his shirt and held him at bay. If he moved to one side, she blocked him with moves that would make Michael Jordan jealous. If he moved to the other side, she blocked him with moves that would make Magic Johnson jealous. The kid is just lucky there was no basket, as I've seen Tillie (the Legends nickname) livid. In all likelyhood she'd have torn off his head and scored 2 points.

From inside the bank a gaggle of tellers rushed to the window. My dad watched them pressing to see, jumping up and down, cheering, as Tillie held her captive at bay. When the police arrived the kid was charged; from what I understand there were actually LOTS of charges. He was digging such a hole for himself, at one point my MOM told him to shut up to keep from getting into deeper trouble. His response? "You can't tell me what to do." Teenagers. ::Rolls her eyes:::

As for her hearing? Mom does have some loss. As for how much and if it's permanent? I'll keep you posted. In the meantime, those who know me, now know why my sisters and I can run so fast. :P

My Mother the Superhero

Yes. My 74 year old mother is now a certified superhero since yesterday, when she apprehended a *criminal* at her local bank. I shall tell the story tomorrow. I am too tired to type any more tonight.

When are they going to invent a computer that can read and type out your mind?

Addendum: Think of the term *criminal* loosely (grin)